Happy Christmas? Not really...

"Before you start blabbingand complaining about something, think about the things you'll be saying. Especially, when what you are getting is a gift and when the person who gave it is right in front of you."

I spent the whole of last week fixing up the gift I'll be giving my team at the office, I even concocted a plan to be able to get thier size. Everything was set for the big day and I was so happy. Little did I know it was going to be more disapointment.

Too much Glee???

"Too Much of Something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too Much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied" - Spice Girls


Last night I had a really wierd dream.

But, before I go in to the dream, let me explain what I've been doing the past weekend. I had always been a fan of "Glee" but haven't been watching due to my schedule and I haven't really had time to watch. This weekend, being that I was sick and I wanted to rest, I decided to watch the episodes I didn't get to.  This went on the whole day of Saturday and Sunday.

Last night, I dreamt I was back in High school and we were having our annual Choir concert. When we used to do this we would sing old songs. Pretty much the same kind of songs they sing on Glee. What was weird was that it felt so real and I was portraying the role of Blaine.
too much Glee I guess, but I ain't gonna stop. haha

Hung up on the Black Party

      Last night, I wasn't sure where I was going to party. Since it was the weekend before halloween, there was a big street party in Malate, Philippines and I had been invited to go with a couple of friends. I so wanted to and was really excited. However, there were a couple of questions I needed to answer before I could.

Friends or Bitches in sheep's clothing?

I recently had to decide to let go of a friend. This was due to a lot of things which we weren't seeing eye to eye with. It was getting to a point where we were basically being very foul with each other.


Don't get me wrong, I ain't rude. If a person asks a question I will answer if I know it. I don't ignore, I avoid. We had shared a lot together and I was very much enjoying this persons company, but it got tiring. Not because of being too demanding but because EVERYTHING was getting totally and utterly appalling. Work, Family and Friends, I had no idea what was happening.


I knew I was changing but I figured my friends wouldn't tire of talking to me about things they wanted me to change. BUT for someone to tell me that they are fed up with talking to me about it was horrid. 


I had always thought friends would be there no matter what, but I have recently receded and worked on being more intimate with one than with many. I noticed that I had a few I would consider "quality" friends and most just bitches trying to be close.


Past few weeks, some peeps in the office have noticed that I am usually with my good friend Sol and that I go home early or at least leave the office early. This is due to restricting myself with being too close with people who would end up hurting me in the end.


I am getting to a point, where I want to delete my Effing' Facebook account and quit my job, just to avoid all the drama. But then again, drama is my middle name.


Need to rest and forget about all this shit... 

To renew or not to renew

Today, I got a message to send a letter of intent to the HR of my office. This is to show that I want to have my contract renewed. The thing is that I'm confused, as to if I really want that.

Jitters

Tomorrow is another work day, but it'll be the first day since I was absent last Friday. Crappy things have been happening in work and I feel that last Friday might have been the last straw. I was absent last week friday due to being sick and all that may lead me to getting fired or not renewed next contract. 


Honestly all I can do is pray and accept whatever is coming. I can always try to look for another job. I know that with Gods help I will be able to. Nervous still but gonna try and get some sleep.

In trouble again

Yesterday morning I went to sleep at around 2am but was having a cough and a fever. I woke up at 3:30 PM to my moms shouts telling me that one of my managers called and said that I had already left since the door to my room was locked.

Flirting much?

Last night, I went to a bar right after my shift cause I needed to take care of my tab there and man did I spend a lot for a whole month of drinking (It wasn't everyday) . It went up to 7000 php. Come to think of it, it isn't really the highest amount I have consumed at a bar.

Anyway, I was there soI decided to get a few bottles to drink. A guy was there and he was staring. I'm no expert, but I ain't naive. I totally know that when people give you that look it's either he wants something you have or they are trying to give out a signal that their interested.

He came up asking my name, complimenting the songs I sang. It was really awkward but at the same time flattering. I just kept smiling and had my classic flirt moves. By the end of my 3rd beer, I informed him that I was going to go home and he kept asking me to stay while I waited for my bill.

Since I was adamant on going home, he agreed but asked if he could take me to the other side of the street and wait till I got a ride.

My mind was spinning. Was he really in to me? I agreed and we walked to the corner. Before I rode a jeep he held my hand and kissed me on the cheek. He told me he might not be going to the bar for a long time and said we should meet outside. I was happy and said "Yeah" and that I'd text him. I got in a cab and then I remembered.. "Dumbass! I forgot to ask for his number."

What I've always wanted to be.

I guess being raised as a Filipino and growing up with their values, I had been raised wanting to be a singer or an actor. I know this is something almost all families in the Philippines want for their kids, thinking that being an "Aritist" is a sure way to have an easy life.


I got this from my relatives and I haven't stopped wanting it as well. Now that I'm older, it was now more of a hobby than something I wanted to do professionally. Don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm a good singer nor am I a good actor but I can bring myself to doing what needs to be done.


I have been so enjoying myself that I was going to karaoke bars a lot and though people may say that they like my voice, I don't take it in and add it to my ego but I try to be humble.


I had tried joining one contest in my life and it was more just for fun and just to say I tried. I didn't win but the experience itself taught me a lot.


Bottom line: If you want something try it. If you're passionate about doing something, work in achieving it. Give it you're all. Who knows, you might just make it and be the next big thing. ^___^

Loss and heartache

Today, I awoke and read an SMS about my close friend's father who had passed away in the wee hours of the night. I was heart broken as it reminded me of when my father passed and how it greatly affected the shaping of my life and who I am today.

Partying on a budget

Yesterday, I went to a friend's birthday party. The night before, he asked me to help him count the number of beers and drinks that came out. However, I arrived late and the only thing I could do is do a head count on people that arrived.


END RESULT: Over the budget

Itinerary for the day

I have a couple of parties I was invited to and I can't go to all of them. I was supposed to go to an office mates birthday but then again there are a lot of things stopping me from going. Another kinda far. I would basically take me 2 hours to get there, so I probably ain't going to that one.

I have now just decided to go to another party as it's being held at my favorite Karaoke joint near where I live. I know it ain't spectacular as swimming, going to a super club, but I know I'll be having a lot of fun there. I won't need to be entangled with any drama... oh wait, I forgot there's always going to be drama. I'm going. lol

Who knows. Maybe I'll get lucky. Wish me luck. ^___^

WTH!!! There's a thin line between being concerned and meddling.

I just got a text from the girl from yesterdays post. It comes out the friend I had told a bit of what I feel to last night ratted me out to the girl, I was pissed at, and spilled a lot about what we had talked about.

END RESULT: not good.

I have a word for that... It's called being RUDE.

Tonight, when we were about to go home, my friend asked me if I would like to go and grab a bite to eat at a 24 hour restaurant. I agreed as I was a bit hungry and needed to have something in my stomach as I was on my way to go drinking.

Trouble number 1

As I have said in the last post, I've been having to deal with things last month and basically starting to hate being at the company I am at. A lot of things still make me happy there but the number of things starting to breathe down my neck is greater.

Work troubles

I haven't posted in awhile and this was because I've been going through a lot. Works been totally crappy the last month which was the main reason I started to blog. I've been in buck loads of trouble for the most random things.

Kids delight

Back in Bahrain I would always eat these. Too bad I can’t find them in the Philippines or maybe I just haven’t looked in the right places… hmmm…

Shows

Looking back at the cartoons I used to watch when I was a kid…

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

Clowns? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! *screaming like a little girl mode*

Being alone…

All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone. 

- Jean de la Bruyere

I recently discovered the true meaning of this phrase as I do have the tendency to be depressed when I ain’t around anyone. Thinking that my life ain’t complete without anyone with me. I have nearly gotten to the suicidal point (figuratively speaking).

Remembering things in the past.

I remember posting this on Tumblr and it reminded me of how fun things were and how much I wanted it to be again.

Starting another blog

I have made another blog right after I created this one. I was wondering on what I knew about and since I am a teacher I decided to continue working on this. Funny is that I kinda am enjoying it. 

Scott Pilgrim vs The world: Brandon Routh

I was recently watching this movie, Scott Pilgrim vs The world, through reruns on HBO and I had just noticed that the hot blonde in the movie was Brandon Routh. The same actor who played Superman in

First post: Getting it started

This is the first time I have posted on this and I created this account a couple of days ago. I guess I've been waiting for something to write about and I haven't found anything.

RRR day 2

Last night was one of the most unproductive day ever. I stayed in bed thinking of things I needed to finish.

I got my salary and found out it was the worst one I have had in 2 years. This is because I'm in over my head in debt. Sheesh! This is another thing I should avoid starting this month. No more debts. Man, it takes a huge person to admit that there's a problem.

I have totally learned my lesson but how to resolve being broke is still a mystery. I need a part time job that can help me with living this month and I need it immediately. 

Waaaaahhh.... ended up being more problematic than when I went on this stupid search for myself. I did find myself. found myself deep in more crap that I could have ever seen myself being in,

On a lighter note, at least I learned something.

God help me. =(

RRR day 1

Day 1:

Tasks accomplished:

1.) Sleep all day to the song sleep all day by Jason Mraz.

2.) Dream about something other than work. Though I kinda had part of my dream outside the office.

Day 1 ended a few hours ago and I haven't been doing anything. I miss bumming around. Having no plans and sleeping all day. I miss going anywhere I want and doing anything I want when I want to. Gosh looking back the last time I had been a bum was more than 5 years ago.

Though this is something I miss, I'd rather be working like a dog and having money than have no money and getting all the rest as much as a dead person in a cemetery. Getting all frustrated cause you can't do what you're used to.

R, R and R (Rest, Relaxation and Reflection)

“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest”

- Ashleigh Brilliant

For the first time, in two years of being at the company I have been working for, I will be going on leave for personal reasons. I have been really struggling with things and since it's a personal problem that I have to deal with and that it should never, even under any circumstances, affect my job. However, though this is what I think. It is and I am not happy about it.

Therefore, I have taken a sabbatical from work and will be using the time to focus on what I want to do and what I want to be. I have to get my act together as it ain't healthy, not just for me, but also for the people around me.

4 days off work (including the weekend which is my off) to understand what it is that is really the root cause of everything. Wish me luck. =)

Dating people I met off the internet.

“There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons.” - Denis Waitley

I have been in the dating scene again and it totally is difficult. I've met a couple of great guys in the past month, but none are willing to take the next step. It's cool, as I ain't in any rush and just trying to enjoy everything. However, it gets frustrating to be waiting for nothing with people you date.

Last night, was an example. I met this great guy, whom I had been messaging for a while now. Sheesh when he walked in to the bar was great. He was tall cute and I loved his get up. But, then insecurities crept in.

I'm not totally fugly but I'm short and a bit on the heavy side compared to a couple years back. I always talk in front of a huge crowd of people and very vocal about things, but I was too afraid to approach him. Thinking I might get rejected and that would totally be a buzz kill. 

To muster up the courage, I took two shots of tequila and a and downed a whole glass of San Miguel Light right after. (Talk about being an alcoholic.)

I was starting to be all jolly and really sure of myself. As I had a ton of friends at the bar that night, I kept moving from one table to another. With every transfer getting closer to him and his best friend. 

Then, I shocked myself by rushing to his table and saying hi. He said hi as well and introduced me to his best friend. I wasn't interested in the other guy but being that he was the best friend, I started to divert my attention to him. 

All of a sudden, the guy I was supposed to be on the date on asked if I liked his best friend. I immediately replied no and just explained that I wanted him to have a good time to. This made everything a lot lighter and we had a fun evening. 

After the bar we had breakfast at McDonald's in front of the bar and we just kept gabbing about a lot of things. Though, he and his friend kept talking about people I didn't know. Awkward much right? I just sat in my chair and smoked a couple of cigs just to pass the time.

I brought him all the way to his house and that was that. Once I got home, he called and asked where I was. He kept on saying "You're at home, right?" Making sure I wasn't lying. I told him that if he wanted to check he could call our home phone number, which I think assured him that I was.

Then a huge line that totally blew me away. "I like you." he said. I didn't expect it as I thought he wasn't that into me but I felt all warm inside and I couldn't sleep. Just staring at the ceiling for around 2 hours, I then drifted of to dream land.

When I awoke, I scrambled to get my phone to check if he had messaged. No messages. I swallowed my pride and sent him a message but still nothing.

Mixed messages???

Dating Game??? Whatevs...

I don't know the first real thing about the dating game. I don't know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.
Jason Schwartzman

As I have stated in recent posts, I haven’t been in the whole dating scene and in a relationship in a while. After the whole failed attempt with a person who lived 5to 6 hours away, I have tried to stay away from the whole thing and focus on my career.

A typical move I guess by a person who had been torn up and hurt, but it was mostly a choice that I don’t regret. I was able to go through work well and I even got promoted. I was content and had fun just being this way. This was until a few days ago.

There’s a site which I used to be a member of until my long distance relationship called to sever any ties to the said site. Due to friends that egged me on in to re-opening my account did the problems begin.

Reopening the account, opened me up to the whole dating scene. I had met up with a few people and they turned up to be cool, but not really the relationship type. I ain’t sure why but it only turned out to be sex and I may be in to the whole shit, but I was looking for something more.

Then, Mr. N arrived. I have known him for awhile and had kinda been an ass to him, but this person had been a bigger ass to me. He had left so abruptly and totally disappeared on me, which made me furious with him before. Anyways, He messaged and we quickly rekindled the whole “I’m happy when I’m with you” and the “I feel so comfortable with you”. But this didn’t last long.

It was a Sunday night and I had gone to Starbucks Madrigal Park to meet a few friends. However, no one showed up and I was left all alone. I started to SMS everyone I was close to and I invited them to come over and just chill. I then thought of asking Mr. N. He immediately replied and said he was going. As the wifi wasn’t working there, I told him to meet me at McDonald’s instead.

I wasn’t hungry, but it would have been totally rude of me to stay there and not order anything. I got a Nuggets meal with twister fries. When he arrived it was like seeing a vision of an oasis in the desert. He smiled and said hi and I nodded and asked if he wanted to move to where we could smoke. He agreed and we ended up staying all the way up to 5:30am. Given that I had only 3 hours to sleep.

The whole day was fantastic. I was able to go through the entire day without feeling the slightest bit sleepy. We had spoken about meeting once I got out, as he was on his way to work when I get out. It was raining and my friends and I were chatting when I saw him. Man, was it awesome, another day of meeting my angel (or so I thought).

After that day, it was constant talks over the phone and he was planning to meet up that Friday. He was on leave to go and meet with his friends from high school and was going to meet me right after. I was hesitant about this as I knew that if I were to do the same thing, I would have stayed with my friends whom I hadn’t seen for a long time. I was right. He cancelled on me and said we could meet the next night instead. I was so disappointed, but trying to be all understanding I couldn’t say anything.

That night was just terrible. If it weren’t for some old friends I met I wouldn’t have been able to cope. I sang my lungs out that night.

On Saturday, we didn’t meet up. He said he was prepping for work as his boss asked him to go. I was fine with this. I wasn’t going to let myself be disappointed again. Not knowing what I could do. I went to Fastbites. Just to maybe get a glimpse of him and make all the bad feelings go away. To my dismay I didn’t get to see him.

I was tired. I went home, took a shower and texted him. No reply. No call. Nothing. A lot of things came to mind. Did I do something? Did I say something? Was he disappearing on me again? I felt like I was going mad. This all stopped when a guy on Facebook, who I had known longer than Mr. N, messaged me saying that any person would be lucky to have me and that I wasn't to worry.

This gave me a lot of strength to take anything. I’m happy Mr. N was in my life. Now, if he doesn’t stay, it wouldn’t because I didn’t try. I reclosed my account from that blasted site and have now come to realize that I maybe ready but not all people are like me. I will try to be open minded.

I’m now reminded of what Mr. N told me. “Don’t settle for second best” Nice thing to say I guess it was never intended that he was the thing that was second best.

Thank you Mr. N. You have once again taught me a lot. =)