Just because I smile, doesn't mean that I'm okay.

"I don't regret anything that happened, but if I were given a chance to go back to the time we met, I would stay away." - Greg Torres

One cause of stress down, but one major Stress causer still on going.

"The saying loving yourself should be your first priority, but it sure is hard to do especially when you really love someone else." - Greg Torres

I had recently joined a singing contest at a local Karaoke/Stand up comedy bar near where I live and it had just ended last night. During the competition I met a guy and started dating and now considered each other partners. However, due to MAJOR complications, we are unable to fully express our feelings for each other.

Since the two of us were in the same competition, we would usually be together. Don't get me wrong, I love him a lot but he has always had this, I don't want you to know my feelings kinda attitude which just keeps me hanging all the time.

I have been trying my best to stay happy and be supportive, but it is totally getting tiring. Imagine this, I'm telling him something and then he looks else where having all his focus on that. This makes me feel he isn't interested. When you ask him something that causes him to be a bit confrontational, he just smiles or changes the topic. And not even in a subtle way a very abrupt way, after an awkward pause.

Honestly, I don't think I deserve to be treated this way, but I don't want to give up.

Mixed emotions

Sometimes no matter how complicated life is, it dumbfounds you and shows you how much more complicated it can get. - Greg Torres

I went to work as usual and having had a great night the last night I was kicked in the gut with all the complications. It feels that I had cancer and just wished I died. One of my dreams was to be happy with someone wanting to be together no matter what.

I tried even going against my mom about the whole situation. I can't really go in to detail with it but I am at the point that I would rather die than be here.

I hate how everything is going and here I am still trying to figure out how to make life worth while.

I really don't know how I'm feeling. I wish I could end it but I can't. It hurts so bad.

I feel like my heart has this heavy weight on it and it just won't find relief. Having the empty feeling might even make it worse...

Yes, I have mood swings but isn't that the thing? I try to hide feelings to just change the mood, however I can't be that way the whole time.

I'm used to being very honest with my feelings but now I feel I'm walking on eggshells and I can't show who  I really am. I want to be more of the happy partying person but I can't. Please, don't think I haven't tried. I HAVE which is why my moods change easily.

I wish he'd get that. I am so torn, ruined and broken over all the people that have tossed me around. I hate feeling this way and sometimes think that life would be better without him but I can't stand being away from him.

He knows I have work later but he doesn't care. I feel that other people are more better than me, more important. I feel that I'm one of his lesser priorities.

How can I be better? How do I get through this? How can I be okay?

I need to scream and shout this out but I need to cry this out too.

What's the point!!!

I went to KFC at Times Las Pinas at around 3am. I did this as my mom wasn't feeling well and I wanted to get her a twister. However, I when I got there, no one was at the counter where I waited for 5 minutes. I know how nice of me to do that right? In my mind I wanted to walk out, but I stopped myself as I really wanted to get my mom's treat.

I didn't even get his name...

Last night was so freaking weird. I went out with a couple of friends, as they had an event at AUX music bar. The event was called Babylon night at Ibiza. It was cool as they had some models that were dancing with their shirts off... HOT...

Picker-uper

A friend of mine posted something on my facebook page and I loved it. This is why I'm posting it on all my accounts. I hope you all like it as much as I do.

Bad Dream or Vision of what is to come.

Last night, I dreamed of fighting with my head boss at the office and being replaced by some male MF who didn't know what intonation was. I felt this might have just been triggered by a company planner I had felt he didn't want to give me. This was a planner exclusive to Team Leaders and Trainers.