Sometimes no matter how complicated life is, it dumbfounds you and shows you how much more complicated it can get. - Greg Torres
I went to work as usual and having had a great night the last night I was kicked in the gut with all the complications. It feels that I had cancer and just wished I died. One of my dreams was to be happy with someone wanting to be together no matter what.
I tried even going against my mom about the whole situation. I can't really go in to detail with it but I am at the point that I would rather die than be here.
I hate how everything is going and here I am still trying to figure out how to make life worth while.
I really don't know how I'm feeling. I wish I could end it but I can't. It hurts so bad.
I feel like my heart has this heavy weight on it and it just won't find relief. Having the empty feeling might even make it worse...
Yes, I have mood swings but isn't that the thing? I try to hide feelings to just change the mood, however I can't be that way the whole time.
I'm used to being very honest with my feelings but now I feel I'm walking on eggshells and I can't show who I really am. I want to be more of the happy partying person but I can't. Please, don't think I haven't tried. I HAVE which is why my moods change easily.
I wish he'd get that. I am so torn, ruined and broken over all the people that have tossed me around. I hate feeling this way and sometimes think that life would be better without him but I can't stand being away from him.
He knows I have work later but he doesn't care. I feel that other people are more better than me, more important. I feel that I'm one of his lesser priorities.
How can I be better? How do I get through this? How can I be okay?
I need to scream and shout this out but I need to cry this out too.
